


Wristband.

by enigmaticma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-20 17:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20679173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticma/pseuds/enigmaticma
Summary: 「In a world where everyone is born with his soulmate name written in his wrist, Yixing was born without any.」「Prompt #19040」





	Wristband.

**Author's Note:**

> 「This work was written for the Xingdae Fic Fest (Round 1) organized by Xingdae Café」
> 
> 「The prompt was not respected 100%, sorry」

Yixing was born with no name on his wrist. In a world where you must be born with your soulmate's name on your wrist or otherwise, you're a freak of nature, Yixing was born without any.

God knows how everybody suffered from the outcome, especially his poor mother. Yixing was an outcast for most of his childhood and his primary school life; until a certain autumn day, on September 21st, when he started screaming in pain in the middle of his  biology class  as words were forming on his wrist. That day, Yixing was sent home to rest. However, he was happy because he thought he'd never be a freak again.

Unfortunately, he wasn't much of a lucky person.

The name on his wrist was not in chinese and as a kid, it was hard to figure out why it took him about 10 years to finally get one. 

It was around high school when Luhan, someone who had a foreign name on his wrist as well, told him, "Wow, you got a Korean name too! See? My soulmate is Korean."

"Korean? South Korean or North Korean?" Luhan fell silent, he couldn't tell. It was then when Yixing gave up. "How can I meet my soulmate then?" Luhan looked as helpless as him, but it didn't make him feel any better. 

After that conversation, Yixing started wearing a wristband to cover it. It was over in his mind, he wasn't meant to have a soulmate. 

His mental health was also not the best and at some point, he struggled to survive through it. College's first semester was such a blur, he wondered how he passed. In the second semester, he was sitting by the edge of a bench as he observed couples kissing or spending time together.

"Can I?" Yixing looked up to a shy looking guy with a broken chinese. He nodded as he sat properly, and the guy sat down next to him. "I'm Kim Junmyeon." 

Yixing snapped his head up, startled by the Korean name. The man had ’Kim’ on his name just like his soulmate. "Yixing," he neutrally said. "But call me Lay."

Junmyeon smiled happily and said nothing for a while. That's when he asked, "Where's your soulmate?"

The question was surprisingly easy to answer. "Never had one." Junmyeon looked surprised, but he nodded, understanding. Yixing noticed that he also had a band on his wrist, but he didn't say anything about it.

They didn't talk about soulmates. Junmyeon was always there with him to the point in which he could have even forgotten the whole soulmate thing.

He totally did. 

He even came to love Junmyeon. Yixing worked hard to get a life in Korea just for his husband. Yes, they got married after graduation and Junmyeon's military service. Yixing was fine living like that, it was even perfect.

On his 35th birthday, he finally allowed Junmyeon to make him a birthday party only because his husband thought he deserves one. 

"I'm seriously okay without it, Myeonnie," Yixing slowly said against Junmyeon's white skin, marked with purple hickeys. Junmyeon hummed at that, nuzzling Yixing's neck. 

"You deserve to be celebrated." Yixing blushed and pulled his sleepy husband to a kiss. "I love you, Yixing.” With those words said, Yixing felt the happiest. He pulled Junmyeon's hand for a kiss and at that moment, neither of their soulmates' names mattered.

~

On the day of the party, Junmyeon was excited for him and Yixing was enjoying the pampering until his heart started racing. He flinched at the sting on his wrist. Luckily, he was cooking so he simply covered it up by saying "Nearly burned myself" and Junmyeon believed him. 

The throbbing in his heart stopped at some point, but not the pain on his wrist. It made him cover it up with a wristband.

"You are wearing it again." He looked at his worried husband. "What is it, Lay?"

"I'm nervous." Yixing didn't lie, his nerves were about to burst and he was shaking. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Junmyeon hugged him, patting his back. "It's normal, I guess." Yixing looked him incredulous. "It's your first birthday after all." Yixing nodded, as he had no other explanation, and leaned on Junmyeon, defeated.

Guest flooded the place and the house became lively before he could even noticed. It took him a while to feel more relaxed; he was even enjoying it until Byun Baekhyun came in the view.

Baekhyun was Junmyeon's colleague and friend. He was ten years younger than the couple, but still managed to break the age gap. He was such a good man, Yixing admired him a lot.

"Hyung! Happy birthday!" Baekhyun gave him a warm hug. "We got you a surprise I know you'll love!"

Yixing didn't have to do anything more than laugh as Junmyeon gave Baekhyun a glare. "We?" Baekhyun blushed instantly. "What are you hiding?"

"I got someone, okay?" Baekhyun even yelled. "He's perfect. He is... the love of my life." Baekhyun paused to catch his breath as tears threatened his eyes. Junmyeon hugged him. "I love him so much, hyung."

"I'm happy for you," Yixing said smiling as Baekhyun looked at him. "You deserve it."

Baekhyun indeed deserved it. He had a toxic relationship with his soulmate and it took him a lot of effort to stand up for himself and fight the man out of his life.

As soon as Baekhyun's date came to view, Yixing's brain fried. He froze as the man smiled. The sun got dull and so was Yixing’s world.

"Hyung, this is Kim Jongdae, the love of my life."

At that moment, Junmyeon and Yixing looked at each other and Yixing shook his head as saying  _ ’No, just another man with my soulmate's name because I do not have a soulmate.' _

He was glad the man hadn't look at him yet, so he took that moment to freeze his expression. Jongdae looked at Yixing and brightly smiled. Baekhyun continued introducing them.

"Dae, this is Lay hyung, the birthday boy; and his husband, Myeon hyun."

Jongdae offered his hand to Yixing, who held it with a stoic face.

"Welcome to our humble house,  _ Kim Jongdae _ ." 

Jongdae looked stunned for a moment, as if he's realized the situation. Yixing looked to the man's wrist where a clear Zhang Yixing was written, and that was it. Yixing wanted to die instantly.

He spent the day acting as professionally as possible. He couldn't do it in any other way, he felt Jongdae looking at him the whole time and his entire being was attracted to the spot where he was. It was a  _ nightmare _ . 

"Lay! Time to open the gifts!"

Yixing approached the gifts' table while not feeling well. He sat down in front of the gifts, noticing that Jongdae and Baekhyun were snuggling on the couch in front of him. It was hard to not look at Jongdae, it was hard to not melt at the fact that his  _ soulmate _ was right in front of him; he couldn’t stand it anymore so he shed tears, silently, as he opened the gifts and thanked the owner of each gift with a hoarse voice.

It came to Baekhyun and Jongdae's gift, the one he dreaded the most. He opened it only to find out a beautiful sheep plushy with a crocheted jacket. He paused looking at it for ages.

"Hyung said you loved sheep, so we got you one," Baekhyun commented. Yixing looked up to meet his eyes. "Jongdae crocheted the jacket, by the way, to make it look cool."

Jongdae whined and hit Baekhyun, who laughed happily at him. It was a sight that slapped Yixing, he was holding himself from crying. Junmyeon noticed it and held his shoulder. Yixing looked at him and could only start mumbling, "I…" 

But he was cut off.

"You're overwhelmed over gifts," his husband said chuckling and so did the guests. "You're so cute."

Yixing wanted to tell him that he was heartbroken, dizzy, confused and paralyzed. He had no idea how to handle the swirl of emotions in his heart. Another gift was handed to him and unlike the others, he kept the sheep plushy between his forearm and his chest. He was glad he was done, and while still holding the plushy, he waved goodbye to his guests until it was time for Baekhyun and Jongdae to leave. 

Jongdae smiled brightly noticing the plushy. "I'm glad you loved it." He patted the plushy, standing a bit too close. 

Yixing looked briefly at Baekhyun, who was busy talking with Junmyeon about something, and he held Jongdae's wrist. "I'll treasure it." Yixing realized how close he was to Jongdae when the man pushed him away. 

He had a shocked look on and seemed terrified, but Baekhyun showed up and they had to act like nothing was wrong. "I'm really thankful for this," Yixing hurriedly said. "I never had a plushy before, neither Myeonnie get me one."

"I didn't know it'd make you feel so emotional." Junmyeon approached his husband and gave him a worried look. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know." Yixing looked at Jongdae, who looked rather confused and emotional. They said nothing as Junmyeon and Baekhyun handled the discussion. Soon, Yixing watched his soulmate leave. God only knows how he was struggling not to run after Jongdae.

~

When the guests were gone, a weight was lifted off Yixing's shoulder. He wanted to relax properly, but when he was about to take a shower, Junmyeon asked him concerned, "Is he your soulmate?" Yixing preferred to ignore him and Junmyeon didn't insist on it anymore.

After that conversation, and even when Yixing looked emaciated because of it, they avoided the subject for weeks. Yixing ate less, slept less and spoke less; it was stressing Junmyeon out, but he couldn't do anything.

Until one day, Yixing and Jongdae met again.

It was a coincidence. Yixing had planned to buy a bouquet for Junmyeon as a thank-you gift for his patience, when he bumped into Jongdae. The man looked both shocked and dreadful. Yixing mirrored his emotions. They stood there for a moment, until Yixing made more space between them.

"I came to buy some flowers," he awkwardly said and Jongdae looked down at his own bouquet.

"I just got this for Baekhyun." Yixing looked down at his soulmate's hands and God only knows how he wished to hold and kiss them softly. Jongdae, however, had more self-control and walked out as soon as Yixing lifted his hand. “I need to go. Bye.” 

Yixing observed the man leave and he sighed deeply as he got in to buy the biggest bouquet. Before meeting Jongdae, he'd made up his mind to love Junmyeon enough to erase the sudden void in their relationship, but right after he met his soulmate, he realized he didn’t have the power to. 

Junmyeon was a sobbing mess when he got home. Yixing was utterly shocked as he threw the bouquet to the couch and ran to his husband's side.

“Myeonnie? What is it? Are you okay?”

“I met him,” Junmyeon sobbed. “I met my soulmate, Lay. I finally did it.” He wrapped his arms around Yixing’s neck. “He's seventeen, Lay. Why am I so unlucky? Why am I so doomed? I'm losing you and I have no chance with my soulmate…”

“Junmyeon.” Yixing firmly held his hands. “You aren’t doomed or unlucky. I'm going nowhere and we'll figure out your soulmate’s age issue.” Junmyeon was about to protest. “Look, I've been a jerk to you, I know. I felt a bit depressed lately and someday I'll let you know why, but I'm not going to leave you, okay? I just need you to hold on me too.” 

Junmyeon nodded, drying his cheeks, before holding his husband’s hands. 

“Jongdae is your soulmate, isn’t he? Baekhyun’s boyfriend...” Junmyeon whimpered it and Yixing had to nod, only to shed tears as much. “Lay...”

Yixing stood at that and brought the bouquet. “I bought this for you.” He knelt in front of Junmyeon, who held the flowers in awe since those were his favorite. “I may have found my soulmate, but I'm neither planning to leave you nor to hurt Baekhyun. I've seen how in love he's with Jongdae, I've made up my mind.” 

"You will get even more hurt.” Yixing chuckled and shook his head. He hugged Junmyeon and the latter hugged him back as he continued saying, “I know it now, I know how much it hurts, Yixing.” Yixing allowed himself to shed more tears. “I'm sorry,” Junmyeon said tightening up the hug.

“No, don’t be, my love,” Yixing firmly spoke to himself more than to Junmyeon. “To have a soulmate means nothing. I was happy without Jongdae in my life; I was and still am happy with you in my life. I just need to get used to it, I need time to love you properly again like I always did.” Yixing promised himself and Junmyeon could only look at him worriedly. 

They had dinner together. Yixing forced the food into his system even if he felt like throwing up. He talked and talked to Junmyeon, like there was no tomorrow, leaving bites here and there until he felt drained and decided to go to bed. 

Their love making was a bit mechanical; both of them agreed to it, but Junmyeon wasn't completely focused on it since all he could think about was in their soulmates. Yixing, however, was thoughtful enough to make his husband taste the pleasure he deserved. He preferred to not think on Jongdae, at that moment, Junmyeon was the only one that mattered.

As soon as he was done, he curled above his husband and fell asleep. Junmyeon caressed his back while he looked ahead absently. Sleep came to him one hour later.

~

The next day, Junmyeon picked Yixing up from work.

“Oh? Myeonnie!” Yixing said smiling warmly at the surprise. Junmyeon hadn't seen that smile since the party. “I'm so happy to see you."

Yixing kissed him and Junmyeon got carried away. They shared a passionate kiss and for a moment, both of them forgot all their problems. Unfortunately, reality overcame Yixing again and he pulled off the kiss first.

“Why are you here, babe?”

“I thought of taking you to a new restaurant and maybe let you see my soulmate. He lives nearby," Junmyeon stated nervously. “I feel it'll make us equal since I know who your soulmate is.” 

Yixing, who was stoic for a second, nodded and smiled reassuringly when Junmyeon's face morphed into worry. They barely spoke until they reached the restaurant. Junmyeon was tense and Yixing didn’t like the expression of dread his husband was bearing.

“If you want to, we can go back.” Junmyeon looked at him in surprise and shook his head. “Myeon…”

Junmyeon held his hand. “I'm scared he'll get hurt if he sees you. I just… I don’t know what I was expecting for.”

Yixing smiled and reassured him as they got in. They sat in and Junmyeon looked around the entire time when he suddenly got tense.

Yixing looked at the door in time to see a tall kid getting in with a popsicle in his lips and carrying his backpack. “Sehun ah, you left school early today,” someone called and Yixing fixed his eyes on the kid.

“He's handsome, I give you that,” he suddenly remarked before looking at Junmyeon only to notice him trying to hide. “Don’t hide. Let him know you are here.”

Junmyeon blinked at his husband in confusion. Yixing simply looked back to Sehun, who was chatting with a friend. He waved at him and Sehun noticed it, but he poked his friend instead. Yixing shook his head and pointed at him instead. Sehun was confused, but he still approached him before noticing Junmyeon. Yixing never saw someone brighten up that much.

“Oh, soulmate hyung, how are you?” Sehun said sitting down before Yixing could even ask it, he observed the kid’s interaction with Junmyeon, who was trying to tune him.

“I'm Yixing,” he said and Sehun nodded to him even bowing a little, but what Yixing said next froze him completely, “his husband.” Sehun face him and Yixing could tell he was heartbroken. “I know you may think, my soulmate is married? Why is he here? Don’t worry, I’ll give you your soulmate back, but! In two conditions.”

“Yixing…” Junmyeon looked shocked when Yixing smiled at him.

“The fact that I can’t be with my soulmate isn’t a reason for you to not be with yours,” he said to him and while looking back at Sehun, he said, “As for you, you have to wait until you turn twenty-one. I don’t want you both to end up hurting and in trouble.”

Sehun stared at him, speechless. But Yixing was not done yet, “That is my first condition. As for the second one, you'll make sure to live away from Junmyeon.” At hearing those last words, Sehun started shedding tears. Yixing needed to continue though, “He suffered eighteen years before having your name on his wrist. He was bullied and excluded, he spent thirty years without you, so for the next four years, you will fight to have a proper life, the way he did. You will taste his pain and learn to accept his wounds.” 

“But four years is a long time. Won't I be able to see him?” Sehun was hiccupping, drying his tears, and Junmyeon really looked like crying too.

“Perhaps you’ll be able to, but he spent thirty years without seeing you. He suffered, I'm not going to lie; but he’s now the director of a prestigious company, that’s why I want you to try,” Yixing said smiling. “If you fail your exams or don’t do well at your military service, I won’t divorce Junmyeon and I’ll take him to a place far from you.” 

“No! I'll try, I promise!” Sehun had to hold himself from sobbing in front of them and Junmyeon held his hand, shedding equal tears. “Please…” 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Sehun, but you don’t know how much he’s suffered. If you don't experience that kind of pain first, you won’t balance the relationship and you'll become toxic,” Yixing reassured. “My soulmate got a boyfriend now and I can’t take him away because his boyfriend had a toxic soulmate who hurt him a lot. I can’t hurt the poor man.” Sehun looked at him, attentive. “I don’t want you to be that toxic guy who chases his soulmate away and I don’t want Junmyeon to be in a toxic relationship. For four or three years, we’ll prepare your relationship.” Sehun sniffed and nodded obediently. “Considering our divorce will take some time to split things up and so on, that'll be enough time, right?”

Sehun nodded and sniffing, he said, “Thank you, sir. And I’m sorry,” Yixing looked at him in surprise, “I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

“I know,” both husbands looked at each other, “We know.”

Yixing knew Junmyeon wanted to talk to Sehun, that’s why he stood and said, “I’ll leave now so you guys can talk properly. Meanwhile, I’ll go wash my hands.”

Both soulmates nodded and he started to walk to the restroom. Once there, he locked himself in a cabin, leaning on the wall and sobbing as silently as possible. He acted tough, but his heart was bleeding.

He lost everybody. He lost and it did hurt so badly.

Five minutes later, he was ready to return. He washed his face and smiled warmly to hide his pain. When he got to the table, he found Junmyeon alone.

“Sehun went crying, he said it did hurt to know I was married.” Yixing nodded and reassuringly smiled to Junmyeon. “Thank you for what you did. This break of four years will prepare me mentally because I'm not ready for a soulmate.”

Yixing chuckled. “After waiting for them for so long, we realized we were never ready for them, isn’t it funny?” Junmyeon held Yixing’s hand, feeling sorry for him. “Giving up on Jongdae for Baekhyun doesn't hurt me because I know Baekhyun deserves him. What hurts me the most is that we suffered for something we didn’t have the power on.”

Yixing had looked down while he was saying that, he didn't notice Junmyeon's shock reaction.

“I doubt I'll ever be with Jongdae. I know that deep down inside, I'm too broken to deserve someone, not even you.” 

When he noticed Junmyeon didn’t reply, he looked up to see him and he was tensely looking up. Yixing looked at whoever his husband was staring at and he found both Baekhyun and Jongdae standing behind them. Yixing stood in shock. The restaurant went silent and the tension rose incredibly. Nobody moved for a moment when suddenly, Jongdae held Baekhyun’s hand.

“Let us get the heck out of here,” Jongdae hissed angrily and dashed out.

Yixing wanted to follow, to stop Jongdae and explain things to him, but he stood there lifeless. He was drowning in his thoughts until Junmyeon's voice reached him. “Go. Explain things to them. They can’t go like this.” Yixing looked at his husband. “Go and give your soulmate a chance.” 

Yixing shook his head, but still ran out. He looked around, but his heart already knew the way. He ran until he landed on the couple arguing.

“Jongdae,” both Baekhyun and Jongdae looked at him, “I'm not going to take my words and explain myself to you, Jongdae.” He knew both were shocked by his words, but he still wanted them to know his thoughts. “Being soulmates is not whole happiness, you'll suffer with me because I can tell I'm a wreck,” he looked away, trying to hold himself. “I never planned to let you know about our bond.”

“I knew about it,” Jongdae admitted. “I knew you were my soulmate, I could feel it.” Yixing looked at the couple, which looked at each other. “But I love Baekhyun.”

“And I love Junmyeon.” Yixing didn’t truly lie, he loved Junmyeon, but not to the point of giving up his soulmate for him. “We love them, so why do we even care about this soulmate thing? Baekhyun is a full proof that it’s not a rainbow thing.” 

“I know, but to be rejected by your soulmate is painful.” Jongdae looked at him, hurt.

“I didn’t reject you,” Yixing dared to approach the man and held his arms, “I’m trying to protect you from… pain. You'll live in pain with me, Dae. Please, don’t lose Baekhyun over this…”

“Don’t put me in the middle,” Baekhyun hissed. “You want Jongdae in your life, every fiber of you is saying it, but you’re pushing him away because you’re a coward,” Baekhyun pushed Jongdae away from Yixing, “just like my soulmate.” 

Yixing wanted to fight back, but it was true. “I am.” It surprised them. “I'm terrified. I carried the wounds of the past for so long that giving up on them now is terrifying me. I'm a coward, I can’t let go and I'm sorry.” He looked up from the ground to Baekhyun’s eyes. “Protect him from me, Byun Baekhyun, or I’ll end up hurting him enough to destroy him.”

He walked back to the restaurant without looking back. When he got there, he pulled Junmyeon out and both headed home. Junmyeon looked at him, preoccupied, but didn’t say anything. They remained silent all the way home and once they got there, Yixing allowed himself to sink. He zoned out for a moment before losing consciousness. 

~

Yixing woke up at a hospital room. As soon as he saw Junmyeon’s back, he felt culprit for all the troubles he might have caused to him. He knew he hadn’t been eating properly lately, so he expected to be diagnosed with anemia or something like that. However, he didn’t expect the doctor to say, “Rejecting soulmate bounds is a painful process and his heart is fighting back. He needs rest and if possible, to change airs a little.” 

“I'll make sure he will,” Junmyeon reassured as he thanked the doctor. When he left the room. Yixing sat by.

“You woke up!” 

“What happened?” 

Junmyeon looked away for a moment. “You showed signs of bond withdrawal.” Yixing frowned at him. “Your body wanted to take off the bond, but your heart and mind opposed it, that’s why you lost consciousness.” 

Yixing tried to move, but his body weighted tons. “I can’t move.” 

“Normal neurological reaction,” Junmyeon assured. “They said the numbness will ease soon. You need to rest.”

“I need to leave,” Yixing looked at his husband, “I need to disappear. I won’t have to refuse the bond if I don't see him anymore.” Junmyeon sighed displeased. “What can I do instead?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “You're right.. You have to go before this state of mind kills you.” He stood to face the window. “I got a job offer in Hong Kong.” Yixing frowned. “For a period of two years and a half, I’ll supervise a project and return after its launching.” Junmyeon looked at him. “We can go both and I’ll assign you the job after a year. Then, I'll come back to finalize everything here, and we…”

“We'll divorce after two years and a half, leaving you a year and a half to prepare for Sehun.” Junmyeon nodded and Yixing did the same. “I take it. Two years and a half are long enough for me to have a better mindset.” 

That’s how Hong Kong became their new home just a week after the fainting incident. Baekhyun knew Junmyeon left but that was it, not even a word crossed about Yixing. Junmyeon kept in touch with Sehun, who talked to him more often than his own husband. He didn’t mind though, he could see Yixing focused on his job, pouring all his pain into work, trying to get the best results and making the best decisions to get the job done the best way.

However, everyday Yixing was feeling physical pain, and being that far from Jongdae had made him cough blood every once in a while. He tried to hide that fact from Junmyeon, and he actually managed to, until his husband had to return to Korea. It was so painful to see him go that Yixing threw up.

“Fuck, Yixing! You're in a bad shape, I can’t go!”

“Go,” Yixing hissed. “I’m fine–” He threw up again and soon, blood could be seen in the pale liquid at the toilet.

“Oh shit! I'm calling Jongdae, he's the only one who can stop you.” Junmyeon was about to when Yixing held his hands. “Yixing…”

“Look for your happiness, Myeon,” Yixing winced. “I'll be fine. I'll find a therapist and will get this properly handled, I promise,” he forced his smile, “I promise.” He pushed Junmyeon out of the house. “Go, Junmyeon, you'll miss the plane.”

Junmyeon stood there as Yixing closed the door because he knew he'd miss more than a plane. He had to make that phone call.

~

Yixing skipped meals that day. He went to sleep early, but knocks woke him up from his slumber. Surprised, he looked at the clock, it was four in the morning; Junmyeon’s plane left almost eighteen hours ago so it was unlikely to be him. He forced himself on his feet and walked to the door without turning the lights on. Once he got there, he opened it looking ahead in blur, but he couldn't see who it was in the dark.

“Who is it?”

Arms around his waist answered his question and he felt so much pain that he had to hold a scream. The person didn’t tighten his hold, but Yixing was so in pain he writhed. He was led to bed and once he was wrapped in it, the lights turned on to reveal Jongdae who had a scared look on.

“Jongdae?”

The man left the bed to pull his bag inside the room and closed the door before running to lay by his side. Yixing didn’t move, he was startled. Jongdae pulled the pale man close to his hold.

“I'm here, I'm really here.”

“Why?” Yixing tightened the hug and before he could hold it, he started sobbing. “Why are you here?”

Jongdae said nothing for a moment, then he pushed Yixing away. “I was in pain. I thought it was because of the conversation we had that day, but when I realized it was not my pain but yours, you had already left the country.” Jongdae caressed his cheeks and Yixing shed tears as he could feel the man’s small hands on him and the warmth in them. “When I told Baekhyun about the physical pain I felt you were suffering, he said I was delusional. But yesterday, Junmyeon called and told us you were having a bond withdrawal. Our bond was tearing you into pieces and I could feel it.”

“But you didn’t suffer like I did, right?” Yixing asked him worriedly. “Were you okay?” Jongdae looked at him confused. “I don’t want to think that even when I gave you space, I was making you feel even a little bit of pain."

Jongdae scoffed, “I suffered a lot when you left.” Yixing looked away in guilt. “I suffered because you left. I suffered due to the idea of no longer seeing you. I was hurt so bad, I had sleepless nights. But it’s okay, those days are gone. Now I’m here and I can finally see you."

Jongdae left the bed to change his clothes and Yixing shyly closed his eyes. He only opened them when Jongdae lay down beside him again. "Rest now. It's too early to discuss this." 

Yixing nodded and he fell asleep almost instantly. He woke up at six feeling better, it’d been a while since the last time he had a good resting. He made breakfast and brang it to Jongdae who was still sleeping soundly. Yixing observed the man in bed as he caressed Jongdae's hair softly and going down to his cheek. He took his time before leaning to kiss his head, this made Jongdae stir awakened, whimpering as he stretched.

"Morning."

Jongdae's sleepy voice made Yixing feel weird all over. He pushed the breakfast before failing to control himself. "Morning." He stood to pick his clothes. “I have to work, but I'll free myself around lunch. You can use this time to relax after the long flight."

Since he received no answer, he looked back to find Jongdae asleep. He chuckled and leaned to kiss him softly in the head and left after wearing his clothes. 

~

Yixing returned quite late after lunch around 4 PM. He found Jongdae in the living room, watching TV and eating some food.

"Sorry, I'm late."

Jongdae brightened when he saw him getting in and rushed to his side.

"Was your day tiring?" Yixing nodded as Jongdae led him to the bathroom. "Take a shower, you should relieve stress first. I'll go to reheat the food, it's cold now."

Yixing held Jongdae from moving and they looked at each other.

"I’m sorry," Yixing whispered uncertain. "I got caught up with work, I didn't mean to be late." 

Jongdae smiled to him so brightly it was heartbreaking for Yixing; he felt like crying.

He walked to the shower and stood under it thinking about his situation. When he was done, he could feel guilt eating him up as he dressed up. Jongdae looked so comfortable and familiar while Yixing felt like a stranger inside his own body.

Once he came back, the food was already ready. They sat to eat, but Yixing only ate because Jongdae fed him. Otherwise, he would have crawled under the bed sheet and die.

"Let us go somewhere nice and walk," Jongdae suddenly said.

Yixing looked at him in surprise. "Now?" Jongdae nodded. "Sure."

He was neither unhappy, nor excited about it. Honestly, this whole situation was torturous to him despite what Jongdae thought. He wanted his soulmate, but he was sure Jongdae would never be his. They made it to a park and Jongdae soon held his hand as they walked.

“I heard Hong Kong legalized gay marriage,” Jongdae suddenly said. “Yixing, would you marry me?” Yixing nearly fainted there when Jongdae smiled brightly at him. “Junmyeon told me you guys are divorcing…”

“But you have Baekhyun.” Yixing looked at their hands, “In the end, you'll have to go back to him, won’t you?”

Jongdae looked serious for a while. “Jongin is back.” Yixing frowned because he didn’t know who Jongin was. “He said he went through therapy and learned to be less toxic. Baekhyun was considering giving him a chance, and now that I’m out of the picture, I know he'll try to get his soulmate back.” Yixing stopped walking as he realized what Jongdae meant. “I want you to try for me, Yixing, because I’m willing to try too.” 

Yixing didn’t know what to feel. “I'm confused.” Jongdae chuckled as he pulled Yixing to walk, but the latter pulled him close. “I want to be happy with you, but I… a part of my heart is terrified because I was bullied and raised into the idea that I wasn't meant to have a soulmate.” Jongdae nodded.

“I know.” Jongdae caressed his cheek. “Junmyeon told me how bad is at China if a person is born with no tattoo.” Yixing sighed and looked away. “But I'm here and you deserve me, Yixing.” 

Yixing stopped walking. "I don't believe it even if you keep saying it." Jongdae was hurt and Yixing could feel it in his bones. "I'll never believe I deserve you when I am such a mess." Yixing walked to a bench and sat down, Jongdae sat by his side. "Junmyeon convinced me to start a therapy and I will." He looked up to meet Jongdae's teary eyes. "So wait for me... please."

Jongdae smiled as he leaned into Yixing. "I expected worse." Yixing tensed. "I thought you wanted me to leave, but if it's only this, I can wait." Jongdae kissed Yixing's head softly and made him look up to meet his eyes. "I'll wait, Xing. Just come back to me at the end."

Yixing nodded, overwhelmed by his negative emotions, and hugged his soulmate. Jongdae hugged him back and they remained there until Yixing could feel calmer and parted away to continue their walk. They barely spoke and Jongdae didn't mind how silent Yixing was. He enjoyed having Yixing that close.

The week went on like that. Jongdae could barely get more than ten words from Yixing and he was okay with it as long as Yixing would hold his hand sometimes. Looking at him was like living in a dream he didn’t want to wake up from.

Their week together ended up with a call.

"It's Baek." Jongdae looked at Yixing who suddenly looked so anxious as he answered the call. "Hi, Baekhyunnie."

_ "Dae…"  _ Baekhyun sounded miserable.  _ "He didn't change much, Dae." _

"Baekhyun? Are you crying? What happened?"

Jongdae felt like a mountain weightening his guts as Baekhyun sobbed without answering. Yixing felt it too and he picked up the phone.

"Baekhyun, Jongdae will take the first plane tonight, don't worry."

Jongdae looked at him, slapped. Yixing handed him the phone back, but the call had already ended.

"What's the meaning of this? I don't want to go!" Jongdae was pissed enough to start yelling. "You can't decide for me, I'm not a kid!"

"You have to go." Yixing threw him his vest, frowning. "The man you love needs you and I know this is the right thing to do."

"It is NOT!" Jongdae held his head before he could do something he'd regret. "All you've been doing is pushing me away." Jongdae looked up, showing his hurt and devastated look and Yixing could only look away.

"I asked you to wait," he said. Jongdae sighed. "Go to Baekhyun, Jongdae. He needs you."

"And you don't?" Jongdae made him look back at him. "You're the one here who  _ needs _ me, Yixing." He held his cheek and proceeded, "Baekhyun is perhaps someone I loved once, but he's strong enough to face his soulmate and fix his own shit. You are not."

Yixing wanted to deny it, but it was true. He kept his lips sealed, looking down when Jongdae surprised him with a kiss. It bursted the sun inside him, making him feel so warm and fuzzy.

When they separated, he looked at Jongdae who looked at him expectedly.

"I'm sorry," Yixing held him tightly, "I know I'm hurting you, but I also know you want to go."

"Maybe I want to because I'm worried about him." He held Yixing's cheeks. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you." Jongdae kissed him again. "I plan to have you in my life forever."

Yixing said nothing for a whole minute, his thoughts twirling as an unexpected happiness filled his lungs.

"We can go both," Yixing suggested. "Tomorrow is the weekend, I'll book the tickets." Jongdae brightened and nodded.

"No need for us to pack anything because I'm coming back here with you," he said and Yixing nodded, smiling at his soulmate who was radiating joy.

They took a near flight. Considering they got nothing to pack, there were no formalities. They flew back to Korea in no time and found themselves in front of Baekhyun's door at ungodly hours of the night.

"I doubt he'll open the door," Yixing shivered in the cold. "It's three in the morning."

Baekhyun didn't open the door. Instead of, a handsome man did it and Jongdae disregarded him when he got in. The man didn't say anything as Jongdae rushed to Baekhyun, who was sleeping on the couch.

"Baek? Baek, are you okay?"

"He's fine," the man folded his arms in displease. "We made up and had a movie night so he fell asleep there." 

Jongdae looked at him with angry eyes. "You've already fucked it up with him. I told you that you have no space to hurt him again and that I'd hurt you if you did it." The man sighed looking away. "You didn't change, not even a little, Jongin. Still hurting him the best you can."

"That's not true!" Jongin looked ready to fight. "I told him I wanted him to change his job because I  _ know _ how much of a pervert his boss is!"

Yixing stood between them.

"Can we talk? I am Jongdae's soulmate." Jongin eyed him warily. "Please."

Jongin followed him outside and folded his arms waiting for Yixing to talk.

"My husband and Baekhyun work at the same company, and when you left him the first time, Baekhyun was a shadow of what you found when you came back." 

"I know I fucked up…"

"You didn't fuck up, you destroyed him. You completely erased his self esteem and self love." Jongin looked away deflated. "You should be more worried about how  _ you _ act around him than by how anyone else does. Baekhyun is strong enough to protect himself from anyone but you." Yixing snapped his fingers several times. "This is how easily you can break him. Just a wrong word from you and Baekhyun will lose himself again and I doubt you'll be able to handle him."

Jongin kept silent for a while until he said, "Okay, maybe you're right."

"There's no maybe," Jongdae spoke vehemently as he joined them. "Baekhyun was nothing but an empty shell when you left him and I worked hard to make him love himself and love his life again, even when my soulmate came into view. You can't act like your old self, asshole, because this is not the old Baekhyun and one mistake will make him a worse version of that."

Jongin was about to argue.

"Jongdae is right," Yixing sighed. "We'll discuss this later. Now, we'll go to bed and sleep properly. We'll come back later." Yixing offered his hand to Jongdae and the latter held it. 

He pulled Jongdae, but the latter suddenly paused and said, "Speaking of jealousy, my soulmate was willing to let me stay with Baekhyun without blinking twice, even knowing that I loved Baekhyun tremendously." Jongin went red. "He was willing to let me do it because, even if he was jealous, he loves me hard enough to put me above anything else, and mostly above his own toxic behavior." 

"Jongdae…" Yixing looked at Jongdae in shock and kept his eyes on him when Jongdae pulled him to walk. "You know I wasn't…"

"You were jealous of Baekhyun because I could see it when we were together." Jongdae faced him. "But you were so pigheaded that you neither noticed it nor accepted it to act on it because you believed you didn't deserve me."

Yixing gave it a thought and realize that it did hurt to see Jongdae and Baekhyun together. He held Jongdae's cheeks, shaking, and said, "Did I ever deserve you? Did I ever deserve someone so beautiful?" Jongdae blushed madly. "I doubt I ever did that. I doubt I have the right to touch you. I doubt I have the right to even," Yixing ran a shaken hand on Jongdae's curves, "Be this close."

Jongdae kissed him right then and there.

They left the place and decided to go to a hotel because both expected Junmyeon to be asleep too. Once they arrived there, they checked in for one night.

To share a room was okay, but Yixing's mind was still rolling, "I wasn't jealous, because I was too focused on the fact I found you after rejecting the soulmate idea for years… it was heartbreaking, nerve wracking and incredibly unimaginable," he said.

"But I'm here now, right?" Jongdae slid his arms around Yixing. "What happened before meeting me is the past, you can't change it…" Yixing looked at him and Jongdae pouted. "But you can prove it wrong. You can prove your scars that you got an amazing soulmate by your side now."

"Amazing?" Yixing smiled widely enough to make Jongdae's heart flutter badly. "Isn't it just a little? You're beyond amazement, beyond everything I wanted or dreamed of." 

Jongdae whined, burying his face in Yixing's side. "Stop being so cheesy." Yixing laughed as he shifted to face Jongdae fully and pulled the man to a tight hug. "Nighty."

Yixing chuckled at the cuteness. "Good night, Daedae."

The next morning, they went to Junmyeon's house to remain there until Monday. Jongdae introduced Yixing to his family at lunch and proudly showed Yixing's tattoo of his name. The latter could only swallow the negative emotions he had because he didn't find his wrist band anywhere.

At evening, they went to Baekhyun's home, the man hold Jongdae like a lifeboat.

"Stay with me, Dae. Don't leave me."

Yixing didn’t say anything, he just observed them, smiling the entire time. Jongin and Jongdae argued and nearly fought.

"You clearly need more time to learn how to love your soulmate!" Jongdae yelled. "You act like you own him or something. Bitch, he's a person. He deserves respect, love and above it all, your trust."

"He's right," Yixing said as he separated them. "This jealousy is unfounded because he already belongs to you." Yixing held Baekhyun's shoulder. "Baekhyun's a strong man with a will and feelings, you can't treat him like an object and expect him to accept it."

Jongin sighed as he sat down. "I'm not treating him like an object," he groaned. "I'm not jealous over that!" 

Jongdae huffed. "Then what is it? Are you scared that he'll realize you have nothing to offer more than I did, or anyone could give to him?" Jongin's expression shifted and they realized it. "So, you are willing to hurt him to cover your insecurities, but you aren't willing to share them and work on them with Baekhyun? Is it, isn't it?!" 

Jongin wanted to say something, but he just looked away. Baekhyun started sobbing at that. Yixing held Jongdae.

"Let us drop the subject now. Baekhyun needs a break." Baekhyun looked at them and Yixing noticed his pleading eyes. "Stay with him, Jongdae. I'll go back to Hong Kong with Junmyeon." Jongdae was about to object. "Baekhyun needs moral support, I can wait." 

Jongdae frowned. "Will you really wait for me?" Yixing nodded. "I trust your judgment." 

Yixing smiled happily at that, his heart burning in pride. "Thank you." He looked at Baekhyun and gave him a squeeze. "You can do it, Baek."

"Thank you, Yixing. I don't know how…" Yixing shook his head and pulled Jongdae who hugged him.

"I have my insecurities to work on too, so I may need time to face what I have to face by myself." Jongdae pouted to him and Yixing chuckled. "We will face the rest together, okay?"

"Call me as often as you can."

Yixing nodded at Jongdae's words and walked out of the house. He went back to Junmyeon's, who was waiting for him.

"Jongdae is not coming with us?" Yixing shook his head. "Why? You pushed him away again?"

Yixing smiled reassuringly. "He'll come later. I have to face some things by myself first and he knows it."

Junmyeon sighed, but didn’t say anything.

They took their flight and in a blink of an eye, they were back in Hong Kong again.

The next day, Yixing went to a church and prayed before heading to the therapist. The first session went fine, the man didn't push him to speak, but he told him so much. He felt like a weight was lifted from his back as he returned home to find Junmyeon on the phone explaining a math-related subject to Sehun. He just smiled. Once in his bedroom, Yixing decided to text Jongdae. 

"I miss you." He held himself from sending it and rewrote it. "Guess where I was today? I saw a therapist and I spoke so much." Yixing sent that and Jongdae answered right away.

_ "Did it make you lighter?" _

Jongdae had no idea how much it did.

"Not as much as I expected, but yes."

Jongdae replied with heart emojis and he chuckled. "How are Baek and Jongin?"

_ "We're working on Jongin's behavior." _ Jongdae sent him a pissed emoji and he felt like he had to call so he did.

"Are you okay, Jongdae?" Was the first thing Yixing said when Jongdae answered the call and a sniff was soon heard.

_ "He said mean things to me, but mostly I'm fine," _ Jongdae sounded hurt and Yixing felt it burn his soul.  _ "I understand he's insecure, you know, but there was no need to hurt my feelings like that." _

"Where is he? What did he say?"

Jongdae sighed.  _ "He said I was a whore because I left my own soulmate to be with someone who will never be with me."  _ Jongdae paused. _ "He said I was acting all high and mighty when I actually gave up on you, he…" _

"You didn't give up on me." Yixing was smiling despite how the words he heard terrified him. "I know you love Baekhyun and I love Junmyeon, but none of us is giving up on the other, okay? Please remember that."

_ "I don't love Baekhyun, not like I love you, Yixing."  _ Yixing noticed the sounds of doors opening.  _ "I know our soulmate bond affects my feelings for you, but I can tell you they're real. Even now, I wish I was there with you and that you could cuddle me to sleep." _

"I know," Yixing gave it a thought, "I love you too, Jongdae, more than what I expected my heart to feel," Junmyeon joined him, smiling reassuringly, "It was what terrified me the most."

Jongdae said nothing for a moment.  _ "It scared me too," _ he sighed.  _ "I was happy to have Baekhyun in my life, I was so attracted to him; but one day, as I was shopping for a birthday present, my heart burned as soon as I touched a sheep plushy."  _ Yixing looked at the plushy that rested by the window,  _ "I knew it would go to my soulmate, so I took it." _

"Are you saying you knew I was your soulmate the second you came to my birthday?" Yixing picked the plushy and held it close to him. "How did you know I was your soulmate?"

_ "Baekhyun told me how he felt when he met his soulmate." _ Voices could be heard. _ "He told me there's always a burn in your heart. Then, it starts racing and... your tattoo starts to ache." _

"I experienced the same sensations that day in the morning, as I was making the food for the guests," Yixing nuzzled the plushy. "However, I didn't realize you were my soulmate until Baekhyun said your name." Junmyeon frowned at him, thinking.

_ "That explains your behavior," _ Jongdae teased. A silence lingered and Jongdae soon spoke again.  _ "Yixing, will we work things out?" _

Yixing smiled at the confident tone. "We'll make us work, Jongdae." Junmyeon gave him thumbs up and he chuckled. "It'll be a hell of a ride, but we'll work on it together."

_ "Yeah, together." _

Yixing smiled at those words and the call ended soon after. Junmyeon simply lay down by his side, looking at him. 

"What?" Yixing gave him a shove and Junmyeon chuckled.

"You can return to Korea, you know? I'll take over again." Junmyeon gave him a reassuring look.

"I started a therapy here." Yixing pouted to him, making Junmyeon chuckle and poke his dimple side.

"You can start it there too, silly."

Yixing found no retord to that; that's how he found himself in the first flight back to Korea. Junmyeon promised him he'd be fine, since Sehun keeps him company online, even when the kid is at school.

He headed home first before sending Jongdae a picture of the sheep plushy on his bed.

"He's so lonely, isn't he?"

_ "Yeah, but that isn't your bed in Hong Kong," _ Jongdae sent back.  _ "Where are you?" _

"Home." Yixing sent him a wink emoji and laughed as Jongdae sent him a shocked one back.

_ "Are you at home? And you haven’t come to see me?" _ Jongdae sent him a pouting picture of himself.

Yixing took off his shirt and lay down by the plushy before sending him a picture of him, nuzzling it. "Planned to surprise you."

Jongdae simply sent him blushing emojis and a simple  _ "I'm coming."  _ It made Yixing rush to order food from the nearby shop as there were no food at his house. He was glad the water was still running by the time his delivery came so he could make coffee. He changed into sweatpants and waited by the window, nervous, when a car parked in front of his door. He excitedly rushed to the door and Jongdae ran to him. "Yixing!" His happiness was so obvious it made Yixing shed tears as he held him close. "You're really here."

"Of course I am." Yixing dried his tears and looked at Jongdae, who was staring at him. "Come in, I ordered food."

"Jongin made pancakes and I took some for us." Yixing chuckled letting Jongdae in, noticing Baekhyun and Jongin a step behind. "Why are you back?"

"Junmyeon doesn't need me for now, so I came back to be close to you." Yixing smiled as Jongdae happily worked his way to the dining table. "He got his soulmate, did he tell you that?" Jongdae and Baekhyun nodded as they had already stuffed their face with food. "Sehun's a teenager, so Junmyeon is stuck in Hong Kong until his soulmate is old enough to date. We’ll divorce when he returns."

"Divorce?" Jongin nearly choked on his food. "What?"

"I'm married. I've been married for over 10 years, I think? I didn't calculate." Yixing smiled to Jongdae who smiled back to him. "We've been together since our first day at college, at that time we were barely 19." Yixing frowned at the memories. "Back then, both of us had spent so many years without a tattoo that it did break our hearts, so we gave each other a chance to love."

"You love him." Baekhyun commented and Yixing nodded. "Then, how…"

"It’s the same as your case. You love Jongdae, yet you prefer Jongin." Jongin paled. "I'd do anything to have Jongdae in my life and even if they are not together now, Junmyeon is doing his best to be there for his soulmate."

Yixing's expression hardened when he noticed the expression in Jongin's face. Jongdae noticed too, so he held his hand reassuringly.

"Then, it'll give you both time to part with no hard feelings," Jongin said.

Yixing chuckled. "Do you think either of us will hate the other?" He glared at Jongin, daring. "We won't because, contrary to what you think, a divorce is not the worse thing I've ever lived. No," Yixing picked Jongin's wrist hard, "Do you think the fact you are not enough is terrifying? Try to imagine your life without a tattoo." Jongin looked at him like a deer in the headlights and he untensed his hand. "You wake up everyday, being isolated from your family because they think you are below them, a kid with half a soul." 

Jongdae felt that it was hurting Yixing to talk about it. "Yixing," he started, but didn’t say anything at the end. He could only hold Yixing's hand. 

"Imagine being bullied everyday for ten years for no having a tattoo because a kid with no soulmate is an outcast." Yixing continued saying while feeling his eyes fill with tears. "I accepted that the reason why I never had a soulmate was because I never deserved one." Yixing was hugged, but he didn't let go. "But imagine it, Jongin. Imagine it and dare to look at my soulmate like that ever again. You have no idea how it felt to have no soulmate so you don't know the value of what you have and it's not our fault."

Baekhyun lifted his hands. "I agree!" Jongin gave him a look of shock. "You don't know how much someone loved you until you lose them. You did say it, yet… you don't show me something different from the first time we met."

Jongin could only sit there and look at Baekhyun, tears welling up. "What am I supposed to do then? I'm trying," Jongin sighed, standing up. "Yes, I’m insecure and you know why, but I’m truly trying.”

Baekhyun stood to hold Jongin’s arm. “You're doing your best to be good, I get it, but you can’t work this out with me without including me.” Jongin seemed confused for a moment. “If you feel insecure, let me know, and don’t throw it at me like daggers,” Baekhyun smiled as he held Jongin closer. “I'm insecure too, you know? But I don’t pour my insecurities on you, right?”

Jongin looked at Baekhyun and smiled softly. “You're right.” He pulled his soulmate close and looked at Yixing. “I'm sorry, I think I still need time to fight my demons.”

Yixing nodded, feeling Jongdae’s hand still on his. “We all do.”

Jongin and Baekhyun left shortly after, Jongdae and Yixing were all alone again. They stayed silent for a while and Jongdae stood to pick up the dishes. Yixing followed him soon.

“Will you share your insecurities with me?” Jongdae looked at him as he set the dishes in the sink. “You won’t push me away, right?”

“I'll try. I don’t know if I can be so open about my wounds, not even Junmyeon could see that part of me and we knew each other for ten years.” Yixing smiled, pulling Jongdae close. “But I'll try, okay?”

Jongdae smiled so brightly it did make Yixing feel better internally. “Trying is all I ask for.” Jongdae hugged him and he allowed a sigh to slip out of his lips. It was going to be a long journey, but he will get there... They will get there together.

  
  
  



End file.
